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Doesn't the new number one by sandy thom sound like Janis Joplin's acap .. acappap ... song she sang without the band?
Only it's not as good. And it's got a backing band.
by Janis Joplin
"Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV?
Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until three,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV?
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town?
I’m counting on you, Lord, please don’t let me down.
Prove that you love me and buy the next round,
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town ?
Everybody!
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
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Bluetooth
Just attached a Bluetooth Dongle (sounds so rude) to my computer, Now I have a wireless connection with our two mobile phones. My printer doesn't have the right sized hole in it hmmmm. I'm thinking of resurrecting the old computer so that we have internet for the kids upstairs (firewalled and supervised of course.) Don't really understand all the options available to me and someone told me that I should only switch it on when I'm using it and I should password lock it too. It all sounds most intriguing. Gill's just talked me into buying a Carpet Cleaner. Opted for the Vax Rapide Classic. (Wanted the Big Boy Gruntmeister but it cost twice as much. hey ho!)
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W.T.F.A.Y.?
I've had a
varied life which has involved meeting hundreds (probably thousands) of
people who know me well enough to say hello and greet me by name.
However, I lack
the memory to remember all but a few of them and have developed a
skill. It involves thinking "Who the F are You?" but my eyes and
conversation say "Hail fellow ! Well met. I know your core, your very
essence and am almost orgasmic to see you again." Well maybe not
orgasmic. Quite chuffed. Let's go with "Quite chuffed"
What this results in is extended conversations with various sorts after
which Gill looks at me and smiles and says "you have no idea who
that was, do you?".
And I honestly don't.
I'm not a celebrity. I just meet people and they remember me. Enough to say hello.
I don't think it'll improve. Maybe the gentle probing that I do will get sharper.
Maybe I should start taking notes.
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Fancy Dress
What on Earth is going on in the heads of some people when they pass the mirror before leaving the house?
Low cut jeans and a crop top with a sparkly belt is a good look for a
young lass with a flat belly. She can look at herself and think
"Looking good, Girl!" But when you are, let's say, a larger lady, and
you're the wrong side of 40 .........
Fellas do it too. Why does common sense not prevail? If you have an
overhanging belly .... buy the next size up. You'll be comfortable and
increase your fertility level and avoid Builder's Bum when you pick a
tin from the bottom shelf at Asda.
Today in Bury was like Day Release from Ringling Bros. Circus. Every
freak of nature was squeezed into varieties of modern "trendy" gear. 20
stone Goths, aging Punks and Lord only knows what in a torn skirt and
holy fishnets.
And hair dying amongst the aged. What's going on there? Guys, When your
face says 70+ and your hair says "bottle", it's just silly. Comb overs,
wigs that look like a sod of green turf, blue, pink and purple rinses
................ I was glad to get through the ordeal.
All this punctuated with the gormless gangs of Yoots in their black
tracksuits and razored heads who's only ability seems to be punctuating
their sentences with as many "fkn's" as possible.
Thank goodness I'm perfect! Eh? eh?
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Flying the flag
I like to think
of myself as a patriot. An Englishman (not British and not UK-ish). I
don't fly the flag (tho' I might when I get older - great fan of that
chap in Mary Poppins with the cannon). Despite all the whinging,
thuggery abroad, knife-carrying youths, idiot drivers etc, I love the
place.
I'm a little narked at the switched on pseudo-patriotism that engulfs
us when sports teams get into tournaments and is dropped and forgotten
like chip paper when it's all over. But it is nice to see the English
Flag wafting in the breeze. I'm not sure about people actually wearing
the flag (seems disrespectful) and most of the examples I've seen
recently seem to have the 3 lions logo of Richard I and Tudor Roses
stamped on them.
I'm not a huge Royalist but I can see why we've got them. I think
Elizabeth does a great job, as does Anne. Pound per engagement, they do
pull their weight. People seem to link Her immense wealth with Her
position but most of it's inherited. At least She's not salaried
without portfolio like 3guts. I resent Her many hangers on. The family
should earn their titles with minimum numbers of engagements each year.
I think it's a great shame Anne will never reign - she's surely the
best King we'll never have - more balls than most of her family.
I accept the diversity of England (we've been invaded for thousands of
years - the purest English Genes are probably in a Welsh hermit in a
cave on the Welsh coast) but resent the recent influx of Europeans and
the seeming correlation with a rise in Crime Rates.
The Beebs latest batty story is that "Football Car Flags scare horses"
-Pc Derek Grist, equine liaison officer, said: "It is commendable the nation
is getting behind their football team but I do have concerns that motorists may
cause an animal to bolt and possibly cause injury to itself, its rider or
innocent passers-by.
"We are not trying to be killjoys, all we ask for is a little bit of
consideration."
I dispair.
"How nice to be in England, now that Spring is here...
I'll stand up-right in my wheel-barrow
And pretend I'm Boadicea."
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Sloppy Talk
Probly
Wensdy
Febyerry
and an almost complete lack of pronounced consonants after the first one in a word. (ke-oow for kettle)
I know it's not life and death but a little care would really help half
deaf gits like me to understand the yammerings of the young.
Amid this garble are sprinklings of "you know" . And statements which
end with "know what I mean?" when it's obvious what they mean because
the content of their prattle is just regurgitated (often misread) shite
gleaned from Ragpapers.
And people who end your sentences with/for you thinking it shows that they agree with you so much that they can think with you.
"f" and "v" instead of "th" too. That gets on my tits.
And the chaotic misuse of the apostrophe. The rules are simple but .. do people bother to learn them? Do they bollocks.
Mis-spelt signs outside cafes and in pubs - the one's which are chalked
on by illiterate twots who can't write in horisontal lines.
Right! I'm off to bed. Hope your day was good.
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Gill's bought a new kettle.
Keep warm systemŽ is ideal for busy family breakfasts, commercial breaks, cooking etc.Cordle
360 degree base
3kW fastboil element.
Concealed underfloor element for easy cleaning.
1.7 litre capacity.
Removable, washable limescale filter.
3 new innovative illumination features.
Standby: soft ever-changing illumination.
Boil mode: changing illumination indicates water temperature from blue to red.
Why?
It changes colour like a lava lamp when you're not using it.
Have I missed something?
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